So at 0600 I wake up and that's it... I'm awake. WTF. Oh well so I guess I will make the best out of the time since I am a morning person. Nate worked last night and has school training for work all week as well so after I figured it up... he works 113 hours this week. That is almost 5 full days. His sister in law gives us shit all the time that he never goes and visits her... well he is never here to even see me...lol. Sometimes it sucks because yes I think he works a little to much which leaves me to do all the house work but then on the flip side of it I would much rather him have the drive to want to work rather than not want to work at all. As I always say... "Bring home the money honey." It is also nice because it gives me a chance to focus on my school work on my down time and get some random stuff done so when he is here I can focus on what time we do have and appreciate it.

It is starting to get chilly down here... especially in comparison to last week where it was 75 all week. I raked and mowed the lawn last week and within two days it was completely covered again... grrr that tricked my trigger. Dad always has a perfect yard when I lived at home and that is not the case here. I just want the leaves to fall off the tree so I can bag them and be done with it. They have the steps poured in front of our house and the side walk is poured as well. I think they will be done with all the loose ends this week it looks like. That will be nice finally.

So I looked at Nate's calendar and he picked up extra days to work next week so I can't push forward the surgery... go figure huh! :)

I switched my school around for the last part of the semester so I have to work today 10-5. Not that excited but I need to make a little money with surgery coming up and all. I enjoy working with my assistant manager because we get along really well and can bull shit but also get stuff done. The other two coworkers I work with slack and are not organized at all. They come in whenever they feel like it and or just do not show up unfortunately.

Well I am going to go get ready for work, clean up my messes, practice some NCLEX pediatric questions, and get going. Toodles!

Pediatrics and Surgery

Well the VIKINGS WON! Life does not get much better than that!!!! Tied for first place in the division. So everyone that gave me shit down here in IL about being a Vikings fan can kiss it. I was getting gas the other day and some college aged guy came up and asked me if I was a Viking fan. I said "yes" and he said he was too. He wanted to know where he could get the car decals for his vehicle like I had on mine. SOOOO... this just proves there are Viking fans down here.

I did clinicals in Indianapolis Friday and Saturday at the Peyton Manning Children's Hospital. I worked on the Oncology floor with children who have leukemia. It was so heart wrenching. I look forward to working in the NICU and PICU next weekend when I go back there. I may have found my nitch... Pediatrics. If everything goes really good I will try to find a job in a PICU somewhere for a couple years until I go back for my anestetist. Gosh I can't wait to graduate and start my life. I am honestly really excited for all the changes in the next year. I know everyone says cherish the time you have while you are young but I so badly want to get on a floor and make a difference. I want time to fast foward so I can get by Nursing degree and get out of school but I also want time to stand still so I can enjoy the time I have with Nate. Knowing I will move when I get done with school may distance us two and it scares me a little since he is the greatest guy I have met. I do not question whether or not we can do the distance thing but I just do not want to. I can only hope things will fall into place and he will be able to come with me.

So surgery is in just over two weeks. Wow time has flown by. Where has the last four weeks gone to? School is winding down as well so it is getting into crunch time. I have actually been thinking about trying to move the surgery up to next week since I will be done with school on Tuesday of next week and will not have school again for two weeks. Otherwise, right after surgery I will be cramming for two major tests and I think it may affect me in a negative demeanor. I will keep you posted.

Blah

So I was pretty excited when I got my period last night for the first time in two months. Finally... no more stressing of preggers or not. BUT I do not miss the emotions that go with it. Today I am emotional and have no idea where my emotions are at. I can not tell if I like someone or can not stand someone.... if I want to talk to others or just be left alone... my emotions are a ever revolving door today and I can't figure out how to get out. Maybe it is just because of the dreary day that I am in one of my moods.

I find myself today feeling dependent.... yep I said it ... dependent. I am scared to death of this and wanting to back off and go my own way. Do I have a commitment problem? Is it just that I am emotional today? Am I just scared of that all around and for me that is going too far so I need to back off and put up a boundary to feel safe? So many emotions are going through my head but I do not want to be irrational. I love being independent and this whole "dependent" thing is foreign to me. I find myself scared of getting hurt for some reason. For so long I was in a relationship and I know I would be just fine if things did not work out. It would not have been that big of a deal... but I am really freaked that those thoughts have changed. I guess take it day by day and go from there.

Tanya thank you for posting pictures

Belated Birthday Present

So Nate finally gave me my birthday present this last weekend. He surprised with the best birthday present a girl could ask for. Tanya, Hunter, and Heidi came down and visited me. They got here Saturday morning and just let an hour ago. I had so much fun and miss them so much. Hunter's hair is growing so much but she is definetely going through the terrible two phase. Saturday we went to the "Paw" for a bags tournament that Nate was putting on with the Fire Department to help raise money for the MDA. We went out that night as well. I had so much fun and wished the night would not have ended. Overall it was just a relaxing weekend. I can't wait for the next 6 weeks to go by so I can fly home and see everyone.

For the last month the blog website has not been working. I have tried to post a couple times on here and it wont let me. The blogs I look at had not changed either. Now today I pull them up to try again and all the blogs posted from the last month popped up. What the heck. Oh well... time to study... I have two careplans, two tests, clinicals, and a presentation due tomorrow so I need to get going.

Odds n Ends

Hmm, so I am not sure how long it has been since I wrote on this thing but my life has been busy and chaotic lately.



I have been to the doctor a couple times for various things. Wel back in Jan/Feb I was taking a left turn with my left arm and it popped. I was put in a sling for five days and they thought it would be fine and heal. Now it is October and it is still hurting. Come to find out after an MRI that I have a tissue damage, my shoulder moves too much, and possible rotator cuff injury that I need surgery. I have it the day before Thanksgiving so that it will give me enough time to heal and be ready for the spring semester. I will be in a sling for 6 weeks and possibly up to 9 weeks. I will have physical therapy afterward.



School has also been really busy. Since I am having surgery, I have to finish the semester out early so what I am supposed to be doing in 7 weeks is now being combined down into four weeks. It is stressful but feels good to be getting shit done.



Things with Nate an I are going good. 8 months as of yesterday and time flies by. I have been stressed and cranky lately and he has been really patient and caring with me. I hate it that women have this 28 day cycle and that we get hormonal from it. Just when we become "normal" from bleeding for seven days, we go through all the darn hormonal emotions again a week before the bleeding. I would really like to see a guy go through it sometime and see what they think of it. The last couple days I have been going through the prementrual emotions and I can not even describe them. Nate will ask me what is wrong and the only thing I can say is, I feel like I could cry and emotional but I honestly can not even figure out the emotions myself. How do I expect him to understand. Oh well, life moves on, he is great about it, and that is all I can ask for.



Went to Nashville the last weekend in September for the Viking game and the first weekend in October for the Auburn game. It was about a 5 hour drive from here but I loved it. When Nate and I went to the Viking game we went down town for a night and it was crazy. It was busier than MSP/ST. Paul. Went to Coyote Ugly and a couple other bars. I really like that town. Nate showed me around a little bit since he used to be stationed nearby when in the Army.



Well today is my productive day to get shit done. Write a paper, two care plans, another journal, and hopefully some reading. We will see how far I get.

Frusterated

So I am away from home, all the muscles in my body hurts, my back and neck hurts, I miss my family, I have a test tomorrow, and Nate and I seem to be butting heads. It is so frusterating between Nate and I because we can't even pin point why we are butting heads. Maybe because I am not feeling good I have no sense of humor or maybe he has something on his mind bothering him... I don't know but I wish we could get on the same page. We don't argue... but there is an unspoken tension between us and even when we try to talk about it we still do not know why. I am just keeping myself in my room and trying to give us space. I don't know what to do. I am not used to an unspoken tension. I am have only ever dealt with verbalized tension so this is really new to me when it comes to a significant other. It is kind of a lonely feeling. Maybe because I have not been feeling good and just want to be nurtured is playing a role in this whole thing. Sometimes I miss those overwhelming feelings one gets in the beginning of a relationship between two people. Does this mean we are over the honeymoon phase? Good lord I hope not. It seems way to soon for that. I miss my family so much right now and it just makes everything that much worse. I don't go home and see family til December, which is the longest I have went without seeing family and friends.

Mono

I have mono! BLAH! This sucks...but explains a few things