So at 0600 I wake up and that's it... I'm awake. WTF. Oh well so I guess I will make the best out of the time since I am a morning person. Nate worked last night and has school training for work all week as well so after I figured it up... he works 113 hours this week. That is almost 5 full days. His sister in law gives us shit all the time that he never goes and visits her... well he is never here to even see me...lol. Sometimes it sucks because yes I think he works a little to much which leaves me to do all the house work but then on the flip side of it I would much rather him have the drive to want to work rather than not want to work at all. As I always say... "Bring home the money honey." It is also nice because it gives me a chance to focus on my school work on my down time and get some random stuff done so when he is here I can focus on what time we do have and appreciate it.

It is starting to get chilly down here... especially in comparison to last week where it was 75 all week. I raked and mowed the lawn last week and within two days it was completely covered again... grrr that tricked my trigger. Dad always has a perfect yard when I lived at home and that is not the case here. I just want the leaves to fall off the tree so I can bag them and be done with it. They have the steps poured in front of our house and the side walk is poured as well. I think they will be done with all the loose ends this week it looks like. That will be nice finally.

So I looked at Nate's calendar and he picked up extra days to work next week so I can't push forward the surgery... go figure huh! :)

I switched my school around for the last part of the semester so I have to work today 10-5. Not that excited but I need to make a little money with surgery coming up and all. I enjoy working with my assistant manager because we get along really well and can bull shit but also get stuff done. The other two coworkers I work with slack and are not organized at all. They come in whenever they feel like it and or just do not show up unfortunately.

Well I am going to go get ready for work, clean up my messes, practice some NCLEX pediatric questions, and get going. Toodles!

Pediatrics and Surgery

Well the VIKINGS WON! Life does not get much better than that!!!! Tied for first place in the division. So everyone that gave me shit down here in IL about being a Vikings fan can kiss it. I was getting gas the other day and some college aged guy came up and asked me if I was a Viking fan. I said "yes" and he said he was too. He wanted to know where he could get the car decals for his vehicle like I had on mine. SOOOO... this just proves there are Viking fans down here.

I did clinicals in Indianapolis Friday and Saturday at the Peyton Manning Children's Hospital. I worked on the Oncology floor with children who have leukemia. It was so heart wrenching. I look forward to working in the NICU and PICU next weekend when I go back there. I may have found my nitch... Pediatrics. If everything goes really good I will try to find a job in a PICU somewhere for a couple years until I go back for my anestetist. Gosh I can't wait to graduate and start my life. I am honestly really excited for all the changes in the next year. I know everyone says cherish the time you have while you are young but I so badly want to get on a floor and make a difference. I want time to fast foward so I can get by Nursing degree and get out of school but I also want time to stand still so I can enjoy the time I have with Nate. Knowing I will move when I get done with school may distance us two and it scares me a little since he is the greatest guy I have met. I do not question whether or not we can do the distance thing but I just do not want to. I can only hope things will fall into place and he will be able to come with me.

So surgery is in just over two weeks. Wow time has flown by. Where has the last four weeks gone to? School is winding down as well so it is getting into crunch time. I have actually been thinking about trying to move the surgery up to next week since I will be done with school on Tuesday of next week and will not have school again for two weeks. Otherwise, right after surgery I will be cramming for two major tests and I think it may affect me in a negative demeanor. I will keep you posted.

Blah

So I was pretty excited when I got my period last night for the first time in two months. Finally... no more stressing of preggers or not. BUT I do not miss the emotions that go with it. Today I am emotional and have no idea where my emotions are at. I can not tell if I like someone or can not stand someone.... if I want to talk to others or just be left alone... my emotions are a ever revolving door today and I can't figure out how to get out. Maybe it is just because of the dreary day that I am in one of my moods.

I find myself today feeling dependent.... yep I said it ... dependent. I am scared to death of this and wanting to back off and go my own way. Do I have a commitment problem? Is it just that I am emotional today? Am I just scared of that all around and for me that is going too far so I need to back off and put up a boundary to feel safe? So many emotions are going through my head but I do not want to be irrational. I love being independent and this whole "dependent" thing is foreign to me. I find myself scared of getting hurt for some reason. For so long I was in a relationship and I know I would be just fine if things did not work out. It would not have been that big of a deal... but I am really freaked that those thoughts have changed. I guess take it day by day and go from there.

Tanya thank you for posting pictures