Invisible

Remember when you were younger and were told about all the horror stories that happen to people but think you are invisible and it can not happen to you? Well I do but I have recently woken up and come to reality. Two weeks ago I was watching TV and saw Christina Applegates story about breast cancer, her battle, and how she beat it. It gave me the idea to do a self breast exam. Now I never did these on a regular basis growing up even though we were informed to but something told me to do it, to do a self breast exam just to be safe. I started with the right ... all clear nothing. Then I went to the left. Sure enough I find a lump. Now I kept thinking I have my period and it will go away. It will be fine. Then I checked a week later... after I was done menstrating and it was still there. I checked again a few days ago putting me smack dab in the middle of my menstruation cycle and it is still there. Now this got me thinking, "okay time to do something. Apparently this is not just going to go down as my hormones do." I made a dr appt today and had a doctor check it. She feels the left and then asks to feel the right. Feels the left and then back to the right. She sits me up and looks at me and says. "I don't feel one lump" (at this time I am thinking fhew... good... it was my imagination) She continues by saying "I feel three." Three... are you crapping me I am thinking. Good golly. Just what I need to be dealing with right now. Then I think back and remember Christina Applegates strength and think to myself ... "Okay, I can do this. Lets not get worked up yet because we don't know for sure what it is." I am trying to keep a positive outlook on things right now but there is definitely weighing a lot on my mind.

I have definitely been tested by various events over the last year. I have only became strong because of it all but I have to admit, I am ready for a mental break from this all. I can only pray that it will not be anything serious. On September 3rd I have an ultrasound so they can see what it is that is in there.

For anyone who reads this, please do not repeat it to others, ... this is a way for me to vent and get stuff off my chest but would rather not have the whole world know through gossip.

On a positive note, I get to head toward home tomorrow to be with family... that could not have come at a better time! I am determined to have fun and not let this slow me down!

Long time no talk

Almost a month since I wrote in this thing so I figured it was time to update now that I have a little time. I finished my summer classes and have had the last three weeks off now. I work when ever I get the chance to. Nate and I went camping at Shawnee National Forest in the Southern tip of Illinois. We roughed it for the first part of our trip and took all of our stuff on our backs. My pack I carried was 55 pounds. That may not seem like a whole lot but for a 138lb girl, it adds up. I tried to wear the weight on my hips and ended up with some bruising and being very sore. It was an amazing trip and I would do it all again in a heart beat. We camped at a place called Garden of the Gods. It had some amazing views and definitely look back to going there again some time. On the Sunday that we were going to come back, we took a road trip to Kentucky and Tenneessee. Nate showed me where Fort Campbell was. This was where he was stationed when he was in the army.

Last weekend Nate and I went to the wedding reception of one of his fellow fireman coworkers. It was nice and relaxing to have a date with Nate and just relax with friends. We went out to the bars after for a drink and went home. We are both pretty laid back. I wonder if he is turning me into an old woman already. Am I to young to be an old woman?!

On the 18th Nate and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary. It seems like just last month we moved into the house. 6 months is so long for us two but is still really short compared to the other relationships I have been. Us taking our time has really been good and things have been going really good between us. We have had a couple discussions but it is good for us. For the first time I can discuss something with an "adult" instead of ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away like I have had to do in the past. Nate got me a bouquet of red/pink roses and a card. We then went to the drive in movie and saw the new Batman movie. We officially said "I love you" to each other. I had to say it first because he was too timid. Man I tell ya, I have to make the move on him for every step of our relationship. I am truely happy and that is all I can say. That is what is important to me and nothing else matters.

Today I took Nate to the airport. We were up at 5 am and off to St. Louis. He is working in Montana this week teaching a high ropes training course... all expenses paid. So I am home by myself for the next couple days.

On Tuesday I start school. I have two back to back classes and then I will leave and drive to Madison for the night. Wednesday I will drive home from there. Oh so excited to see everyone. Well enough for now, time to continue packing...