Invisible

Remember when you were younger and were told about all the horror stories that happen to people but think you are invisible and it can not happen to you? Well I do but I have recently woken up and come to reality. Two weeks ago I was watching TV and saw Christina Applegates story about breast cancer, her battle, and how she beat it. It gave me the idea to do a self breast exam. Now I never did these on a regular basis growing up even though we were informed to but something told me to do it, to do a self breast exam just to be safe. I started with the right ... all clear nothing. Then I went to the left. Sure enough I find a lump. Now I kept thinking I have my period and it will go away. It will be fine. Then I checked a week later... after I was done menstrating and it was still there. I checked again a few days ago putting me smack dab in the middle of my menstruation cycle and it is still there. Now this got me thinking, "okay time to do something. Apparently this is not just going to go down as my hormones do." I made a dr appt today and had a doctor check it. She feels the left and then asks to feel the right. Feels the left and then back to the right. She sits me up and looks at me and says. "I don't feel one lump" (at this time I am thinking fhew... good... it was my imagination) She continues by saying "I feel three." Three... are you crapping me I am thinking. Good golly. Just what I need to be dealing with right now. Then I think back and remember Christina Applegates strength and think to myself ... "Okay, I can do this. Lets not get worked up yet because we don't know for sure what it is." I am trying to keep a positive outlook on things right now but there is definitely weighing a lot on my mind.

I have definitely been tested by various events over the last year. I have only became strong because of it all but I have to admit, I am ready for a mental break from this all. I can only pray that it will not be anything serious. On September 3rd I have an ultrasound so they can see what it is that is in there.

For anyone who reads this, please do not repeat it to others, ... this is a way for me to vent and get stuff off my chest but would rather not have the whole world know through gossip.

On a positive note, I get to head toward home tomorrow to be with family... that could not have come at a better time! I am determined to have fun and not let this slow me down!