OOOwwww WWWeeee

For some odd reason today I HURT. I feel as if my sciatic nerve in my lower back is pinched and causing extreme pain. This is not a little ache I get when I have my menstraul period, but a sharp, debilitating pain on the left side of my lower back. Then at work today, I smashed my thumb into a 5 gallon shaker and took a chunk out of my thumb. Back home, everyone calls me "Grace" because I am always getting hurt, and I am beginning to believe it. On top of that, I have a chronic pain in my hip and something is out of wack with my shoulder... oh the day to feel 100% and young instead of hurting and 55.

So on Monday we had a meeting at work and it gave me a chance to vent my frustration. It is a touchy subject for me to discuss what has been bothering me since I just transferred to this store when I moved here. Let me inform you, back home when I worked in Winona, the stwore was very organized and we had a system down so everyone knew what was going on. Down here, my boss randomly leaves to go take a nap and will come back three hours later. I never know what is going on because they do not have any routine to the store. At times, I feel no one helps do the work and my boss is an exception to having to do anything in the store. So, with that in mind, I layed everything out on the line. I told my boss that I think he needs to step it up in helping out around the store and he needs to clean up after himself. He turns to me and say, "I am the manager and that is what everyone else is for." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!? I wanted to tell him to go screw himself but instead I told him that he can't run a business with the idea in mind that he is higher up than us and an exception to having to do work around here. He can't sit here and call a staff meeting telling us we need to work together more but then in the same statement tell us that he does not count in this and is an exception to the rule. I layed into him and told him he would not have so much work if he wouldnt go home and take a nap for 3 hours in the middle of the day. OOOhhhh I was fuming. After I got done stating my point he looks at me and says, "You're right." I thinking , what... did I just hear you correctly? He admitted to taking advantage of me to an extent and told me he would step it up on his part. He also told me he knows I can do so much on my own that he looks forward to the days I work so he doesn't have to be around... um... wrong because that should be the time he can take the time to make sure he has taken care of everything... in other words dotted all his I's and crossed all his T's. Anyways... so I got to work today and sure enough he was completely different. It felt good to actually be appreciated for everything I do. The store ran smoothly and I was a happy camper!!

Moving on, yesterday I got some words of encouragement. I had a meeting with my teaching to discuss how I did this semster in my OB clinicals. She looks at me when I sit down and says, "You are Truely Amazing. I have not said this to anyone else but the way you present yourself and carry yourself Lindsey, I see you being someone big in the future if you play all your cards right. Someone who, if they wanted, could be the CEO of a hospital someday." Those words felt like music to my ear. After all my hard work this semester and everything I have went through I got some amazing words of encouragement.

On Sunday I went to church and the preacher (father, priest or whatever the name is that he is called) Dr. Lou is his name turns to me after having his back to me and introduces himself to me. At that moment in time I felt like I got a smack to the face. Dr. Lou looks just like Uncle Frank who died a few years back. I thought I would have been able to handle the situation as if it was no big deal but then I sat there in church, doing everything I could to hold back the tears because I realized just how badly I miss him... how much I want him to still be around and be the "big teddy bear" of the family. I still do not understand why he was choosen to be the one who had to help "the Lord." He was the first family member to die during my first year away at college and I had no idea how to handle that back then and I am still learning to this day how to deal with those type of emotions when someone close to me has died. I still have flashbacks all the time of what he looked like the last time I saw him alive, skinny and bony. This is completely unlike the "big teddy bear" I have known my whole life up til that time. When I go back home in a week, I will need to take some time and stop by his grave so we can have a "chat"... for me to just vent and ... well... just be.

Well, time for me to get to bed... I am exhausted and I am hoping this detrimental pain in my lower back will not keep me up all night! I have an early morning tomorrow because I have to be up and in Mattoon to work at 7:30.